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We need to rotate in some new humor so give us your best shot with jokes and cartoons. Keep them clean. Thanks.
One Liners
"You can hit a 2-acre fairway 10-percent of the time, but hit a 2-inch branch 90-percent of the time." - Unknown
“While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.” - Henry Youngman
“You’ve just got one problem. You stand too close to the ball after you’ve hit it.” - Sam Snead
“We learn so many things from golf – how to suffer, for instance.” - Bruce Lansky
“If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork as poorly as they do a golf club, they'd starve to death.” - Sam Snead
“I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators.” - Gerald Ford
“Golf is a good walk spoiled.” - Mark Twain
“Golf tips are like aspirin. One may do you good, but if you swallow the whole bottle you will be lucky to survive.” - Harvey Penick
Local Rules
An American citizen is vacationing on his own in Ireland. He decides to play a round and is paired with three locals. He takes a few practice swings, steps up to the first tee, and proceeds to hook the ball out of bounds. He shakes his head, reaches in his pocket, and re-tees another ball. He tells his playing partners that he is taking a mulligan. He pounds one down the center of the fairway.
With a big smile, he asks the others, “In the States, we call that a mulligan. What do you call it here in Ireland?” After a moment of silence, one of the locals replies, “Hitting three.”
The Tree
A young man with a few hours to spare one afternoon figures that if he hurries and plays very fast, he can get in nine holes before he has to head home. As he is about to tee off, an old gentleman shuffles onto the tee and asks if he can join him. Although worried this will slow him up, the younger man says, “Of course.” To his surprise, the old man plays quickly. He doesn’t hit the ball very far, but it goes straight. Furthermore, the old man moves along without wasting any time.
When they reach the 9th fairway, the young man is facing a tough shot. A large pine tree sits in front of his ball, directly between it and the green. After several minutes of pondering how to hit the shot, the old man says, “You know, when I was your age, I’d hit the ball right over that tree.” With the challenge before him, the young man swings hard, hits the ball, watches it fly into the branches, rattle around, and land with a thud a foot from where it had started.
“Of course,” says the old man, “when I was your age, that tree was only three feet tall.”
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